One of the most difficult things for Christians, and many others, not to do is to judge others. It is amazing to me how often I hear what amounts to gossip about others and it almost always leans towards the negative.  We tend to judge the character of other people – suggesting that we know what is underneath the façade of what they present to the world.  For example, we think of somebody as being proud or self-righteous, or showing a condescending attitude to us.  Then we find ourselves saying things like, “Well, he’s not so smart.” Or, “She’s not to be trusted.”  I could go on and on with examples that are all-too-familiar.

Of course, an accurate judgement of other people is often necessary. Think for a moment about somebody in human resources who is responsible for hiring new people. Think of her when she is interviewing candidates for a rather delicate job in the company. Getting the right person, that is making a judgement about the adequacy of a particular person is critical to getting a good fit for the company and the other employees as well as preventing regret, recriminations, and starting over when the ‘mistake’ is corrected.

However, in daily life there is often a marked tendency to judge our brothers and sisters with a self-righteousness of our own that doesn’t allow the subject of our gossip to defend themselves or explain what might have happened to cause our inconvenience or our concern. Even worse, we sometimes pull-down others in order to make ourselves look better. In these cases, our criticism comes with a small schooling on how we would do it better or how we know better. For example, we dismiss a sister-in-law as selfish - unlike us, of course - or we display our superiority as we speak of a hockey coach as more interested in his own glory by winning than he is in the training of his team in such things as improving in skills or putting the team first. We, we imply, have our priorities straight and we would do so much better.

One fascinating dimension of judging others is the ease with which we can attribute motives to people which means we think we know why a person is doing or saying something. Here are some examples: We hear of our wealthy relatives making a donation to the hospital so we tell our friends that it is only to get their name on a unit in the hospital.  Or, think of a strained relationship, say, between brothers; when one of them makes an effort to try and breach the estrangement the other dismisses it out of hand as being insincere.  We saw some of this when Pope Francis came to Canada to apologize for the Catholic Church’s role in residential schools; some people dismissed it as insincere.

Recall Christ’s teaching about taking the log out of our own eye before we can begin to take the speck out of our neighbour’s eye. It is critically important for the followers of Jesus to take in what Jesus is trying to emphasize. Suppose for example I get angry at my brother.  My assumption is that my brother is at fault for doing something to make me angry. But anger belongs to the angry person and is often used to control others, or to avoid facing challenging situations, or even to hurt others for daring to cross me.  Anger is the log in my eye. Being helpful to others always begins with loving thoughtfulness. What would really help to invite him back on a steady path? Often it’s a small gesture with a big message: you still love the guy and you will be there for him and you hope that this will open a new door for both of you. 

What is not helpful is imputing motives to others. He did this because…He is in this predicament because…she did this because, it’s often a matter of speculation, even if we may be close to accurate.  But we must be careful because we really don’t know someone else’s truth and there is also the small matter of our own motives.  We may want to be good to somebody but there is this sneaky little voice in our heads that pops up and expects the subject of our concern to be grateful and to even return the favor. We say we are concerned about another’s plight yet we still try to find a little profit out of the act of helping. 

I enjoy reading novels because they often explore the inner realm of motives and, indeed, often unfold the entire story on the basis of misunderstood motives.  And I like to explore motives in the lives of my friends and colleagues, although this must always take place in a context of complete trust.  For example, I have often asked good friends of mine who are married what their motives were for choosing their spouse.  I usually receive, of course, the ‘correct’ answer:  I fell in love.  But then come the many aspects which confirmed the choice or, indeed, made it harder.  

There is, of course, another side to asking personal and sometimes intimate questions of others because some motives are rather questionable: “I was concerned that he didn’t talk much… or he talked too much!”  “Her family, especially her father, scared me.”  

Still, correct judgements have to be made. Think of marriage, for example, which is setting off on the journey that leads to a lifetime of mutual commitment, or, I might add, my own decision years ago to join the Redemptorists.  

“Judge not, lest you be judged,” says Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount.  I think he is giving us a double caution.  First, don’t jump to conclusions.  Every human being is something of a mystery, even to themselves.  Sharing with others and learning from experience is often more revealing than jumping to conclusions long before you know the person.  And, second, I would suggest that we need to be humble about judgements made even over the long term, judgements that often pigeon-hole people so that it doesn’t matter what they do or how they change, we react to them because we think we REALLY know who they are.

Hence, let me conclude with an exhortation from the Letter to the Ephesians.  The Greek original is translated in a number of different ways, but the one that sticks in my mind says simply: “Say only the good things people need to hear.” I repeat “Say only the good things people need to hear.” In other words, we can be affirming of others or we can gossip in a judgemental and negative way.  Choose the former for I believe it is the Way of Jesus and it will enhance life for everyone.

And I ask you all now to receive the blessing of Almighty God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.